Make Some Noise For The Ring Girl

Look mom, I shaved.

Ah, the lovely ring girl, whose purpose is to... What the hell is her purpose? Outside of serving as a sexy round reminder, there is not much to being a ring girl. You pretty much just need to hold your stomach in, arch your back, push your chest out, smile, look cute, raise your arms high, and try not to bust your ass in six inch pumps climbing between the ropes. How easy is that? Does this even qualify as a job? I mean really, no one had trouble keeping track of what round a match was in before ring girls came along. It seems to me that for many men the sight of exposed cheeks and a pair of silicone breast mounted on high heel shoes is a visual distraction, likely to prevent a man's eyes from focusing on anything above a woman's nipple line, thereby defeating half the ring girl's proposed purpose. As far as the other purpose of attracting spectators to the boxing/martial arts world goes, I can't ever recall refusing to attend a fight, because the ring girl wasn't going to be in attendance, or deciding to go because she was.

Another thought I have (besides the ring girl's questionable purpose) is where do interested women go to apply and interview for the exciting and rewarding job of a transit-numerologist adult entertainment hostess? I have never seen job offerings advertised in the paper by employers seeking heel-toe canvas walkers with big breast able to scale high ropes, count to 12, smile and play to large crowds of blood-thirsty, sex-starved, middle-age men (with pole-dancing experience being a plus.) How much do ring girls get paid, is it by the hour or round? Do you have to provide your own thong? Is there room for growth and promotion? Are there long hours involved with this job, and what about benefits? How long before you can join the union? There must be some sort of established industry standards, at least about looks, because most of the ring girls I see seem to be fairly attractive and in-shape. But singling out people with a certain look seems a bit discriminatory if you ask me, I don't think an unattractive person would have any difficulty holding up a round card. Besides, who is to say what's attractive, and what isn't. I know a lot of guys and gals, who like a plus-size-bomb-shell, and wouldn't look twice at a salad nibbling, water drinking, cracker munching, diuretic taking, tofu, yogurt eating, over-concerned about, exercise and weight control model. The big girl or guy is the cat's meow for some folks. In fact, plus-size modeling is a booming business (seriously), Queen Latifah is a thickly curved soul-sister with an attitude to match getting paid well from front cover print, commercials, movies and music. Which brings me to another question, how come there are no ring boys? I figure if the men's bouts feature ring girls, it's only fair that the women's bouts feature ring boys. Layla Ali commands enough respect in the boxing world that she could demand a dozen ring boys wearing just some man-panties be present at all her fights. I wonder if Title IX covers this type of sex discrimination?

In the end, I guess the answer to why professional fight venues have the number toting ring girls is simple. Professional sports in general are controlled predominately by men, which includes the management, promotion, and staging of most sporting events. Likewise, the majority of spectators who attend sporting events are men. Two things that men love most are sex and sports. So why not have some of both? As the saying goes, "what the customer wants, is what the customer needs and gets." Both it is then.

By the way, does anybody know what round this is?