Failure Doesn't Have to be Your Fault

Choosing the Right Health Club for Failure

Losing weight can be a daunting task for many people, so why not put a positive spin on your setbacks by choosing a health club that legitimizes your excuses for not working out. Here are a few tips:

1. First, find a gym that is inconveniently located miles away from where you work or live. Now you have plenty of reasons not to go.

2. On the occasions you do go to the gym make sure the experience is unpleasant. Try finding a club that has creepy sex-starved voyagers lingering in and around the changing room areas, and hairy chest overweight men in Speedos taking hot-yoga classes.

3. The machines in the cardio area should be packed in tight. This way you will be sure to get a good dousing of foreign sweat flying off the body of the person running on the neighboring treadmill beside you.

4. Parking should be expensive and or difficult to find, and also cause you to have to walk a great distance to and from your vehicle.

5. Avoid any club where the staff is helpful, they may sabotage your master plan of excusing your mediocrity by providing unwanted motivation and encouragement. It’s important to stay focused on the road to failure. Distance yourself from positive influences.

6. A gym that is not well kept is perfect for picking up gym cooties. This could potentially lead to an illness requiring long-term doctor’s care and avoidance of the gym all together.

7. Safety is always an issue. So the gym should be located in a bad part of town. This leaves you only the weekends to workout. Because you are at work during the day, and it wouldn’t be wise to go to the gym at night when there is an increase in vice activities in the neighborhood surrounding the gym.

These helpful tips should successfully allow you to place your failed New Year's resolution of losing weight onto the shoulders of the gym you joined. After all, you gave it the college try; things just didn’t work-out.