Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Monday, January 29, 2007
Gym Myth: Can muscle turn to fat, or fat turn to muscle?
Shop Talk: Rember, you didn't hear this from me.
Now just when I didn't think it could get any better, her cellphone rang. She took the call which lasted all of seven seconds and hung up abruptly. Apparently, it was a client, and she exclaimed out loud, "I don't have time for that, for a hundred dollars all you get is a hand-job." So, at this point, I was curious. I asked her how much do you charge for the platinum package. She told me the most she charged was five hundred dollars for couples. I thought to myself, "that's quite reasonable. Maybe I should hire her for Valentine's day." Just kidding. Really, I'm just kidding. She then went on to describe in detail how much she charged for every possible sex act you can imagine. Apparently, she is very versatile.
That then led us to the next part of the conversation, which had her describing exactly what she wanted to do with my friend. Being the smart-ass that I am, I reached behind the front desk and handed the keys to a storage room inside the club to my friend. Let me tell you she was quite ready to go to, as she called it, "the boom boom room." But I'm happy to say that my friend rejected the idea. Otherwise, he might have had to have his penis amputated to stop gangrene from spreading through the rest of his body.
There are a lot of stories like this that take place inside of a many heath clubs; in the future, I may write a book about them. Until then, word to the wise; stay out of questionable areas around the club, and scrub thoroughly and immediately after each visit. You never know who did what, and where.
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Mental Warfare: The Art Of Deception
When I initially began competing, I would show everything I had right from the start. There would be nothing for my opponent to figure out, because I would play every card in my hand. My strategy was to overwhelm my opponent with speed, athleticism and aggression. However, victories come hard this way, and your body pays the toll in the way of fatigue and injury. I had grasped the hard war (the physical), but missed the soft war (the mental). My game plan definitely needed some refinement. Looking for answers, I turned my attention to the advice and observation of more experienced fighters than myself. I watched these seasoned fighters during their practice sparring sessions. They moved with a purpose; each technique seemed to be well-calculated and adjusted for distance, timing and effectiveness. No more energy was expended than what was needed. They were offensive and defensive at the same time; not one without the other. During the course of the confrontation, they appeared to be constantly evaluating and analyzing the strengths and weaknesses of their opponent. Witnessing all of this, it finally occurred to me that until then all my focus had been solely on myself. I never stopped once to think about what the other fighter was feeling and thinking, or how their physical state appeared. Nor did I bother to notice how opponents reacted to me. It seemed I knew myself, but did not know my adversaries.
Thanks to experimentation, training and observation I have been able to develop and sharpen my mental awareness inside the ring. I know now that some of the most important battles take place in the mind. So on that note, I will share with you some techniques I have found particularly effective when it comes to misdirecting the perceptions of opponents and taking advantage of their habitual behaviors:
- As best as possible try to mask all signs of injury, pain, fatigue, frustration and anxiety. These are all dead give-aways that let your opponent know that what they are doing is getting to you, and builds their confidence.
- Against slower opponents attack and retreat at angles. Remember it is to your opponent's advantage to have you stand in front of them, especially when they are slower than you. Cautiously front them at a distance within their striking range. If you are confident enough lower your guards slightly to make the idea of attacking you more appealing. As your opponent comes forward to strike, slip away laterally to your right or left to catch them with a counter-strike.
- Place a string of strikes away from a particular area you really want to strike. This will help draw your opponent's attention away from your true intent. Often fighters will over-compensate for strikes frequently placed near or around the same area by shifting their guards too far and too soon in anticipation of being hit in the same spot. This in turn sets them up for an attack to the area of the body they left unprotected.
- Faking one technique and immediately following with a legitimate one is a great way to pull your opponent out of position or cause them to delay their reaction to you. But you have to sell the fake. If the fake does not appear to be a real threat, your opponent will not move.
- Look for patterns during the course of a match that you can exploit. Repeated behaviors make fighters predictable. Examples include - constantly going for head shots, dropping the rear hand when throwing the lead hand, grunting just before you strike, always moving in the same direction and cocking back a punch just before it is thrown.
- Don't be satisfied with just avoiding or blocking a strike; look to immediately counter. Every time your opponent misses a shot make them pay; cause them to be cautious and apprehensive.
- Use multiple strikes to make yourself harder to defend against. Increase your chances for a hit by also varying the shots to different parts of the body (head, chest, stomach, kidney, etc.)
- Don't let an opponent off the hook. When a man is drowning pour more water. When given the opportunity take advantage of it.
- Try to dominate a match early, causing your opponent to have to play catch-up. When a fighter is desperate they often get careless.
- Disguise your power by mixing off-speed strikes with harder strikes.
Facing Death
A wise man lives as though he were dead, and therefore he finds fulfillment in everything that he does. Illness, weapons, and wild beasts cannot harm him, because he is so full of life that death has no room to enter. A man preoccupied with death is already dead even before he is buried. The same can be said of execution in combat. "Even if a warrior's head were to be suddenly cut off, he should still be able to perform one more action with certainty. If one becomes like a revengeful ghost and shows great determination, he should not die."
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Coffee: The New Health Food?
While surfing across the Internet, I came across this article that I thought might be of interest to health conscious coffee drinking bloggers. However, I am by no means advocating the use of coffee as a performance enhancing beverage. Nor do any of the ideas expressed about the properties of coffee necessarily reflect my own personal or professional views on the subject. It is entirely up to the reader to draw their own conclusions from the following reprint.
Plenty of health benefits are brewing in America's beloved beverage, coffee.
By Sid Kirchheimer
WebMD Feature Reviewed By Brunilda Nazario, MD
on Monday, January 26, 2004
Want a drug that could lower your risk of diabetes, Parkinson's disease, and colon cancer? That could lift your mood and treat headaches? That could lower your risk of cavities?
If it sounds too good to be true, think again.
Coffee, the much maligned but undoubtedly beloved beverage, just made headlines for possibly cutting the risk of the latest disease epidemic, type 2 diabetes. And the real news seems to be that the more you drink, the better.
Reducing Disease Risk
After analyzing data on 126,000 people for as long as 18 years, Harvard researchers calculate that compared with not partaking in America's favorite morning drink, downing one to three cups of caffeinated coffee daily can reduce diabetes risk by single digits. But having six cups or more each day slashed men's risk by 54% and women's by 30% over java avoiders.
Though the scientists give the customary "more research is needed" before they recommend you do overtime at Starbuck's to specifically prevent diabetes, their findings, reported just two weeks ago, are very similar to those in a less-publicized Dutch study last year. And perhaps more importantly, it's the latest of hundreds of studies suggesting that coffee may be something of a health food -- especially in higher amounts.
In recent decades, some 19,000 studies have been done examining coffee's impact on health. And for the most part, their results are as pleasing as a gulp of freshly brewed Breakfast Blend for the 108 million Americans who routinely enjoy this traditionally morning -- and increasingly daylong -- ritual. In practical terms, regular coffee drinkers include the majority of U.S. adults and a growing number of children.
"Overall, the research shows that coffee is far more healthful than it is harmful," says Tomas DePaulis, PhD, research scientist at Vanderbilt University's Institute for Coffee Studies, which conducts its own medical research and tracks coffee studies from around the world. "For most people, very little bad comes from drinking it, but a lot of good."
Consider this: At least six studies indicate that people who drink coffee on a regular basis are up to 80% less likely to develop Parkinson's, with three showing the more they drink, the lower the risk. Other research shows that compared to not drinking coffee, at least two cups daily can translate to a 25% reduced risk of colon cancer, an 80% drop in liver cirrhosis risk, and nearly half the risk of gallstones.
Coffee even offsets some of the damage caused by other vices, some research indicates. "People who smoke and are heavy drinkers have less heart disease and liver damage when they regularly consume large amounts of coffee compared to those who don't," says DePaulis.
There's also some evidence that coffee may help manage asthma and even control attacks when medication is unavailable, stop a headache, boost mood, and even prevent cavities.
The Benefits of Caffeine
Is it the caffeine? The oodles of antioxidants in coffee beans, some of which become especially potent during the roasting process? Even other mysterious properties that warrant this intensive study?
Actually, yes.
Some of coffee's reported benefits are a direct result of its higher caffeine content: An eight ounce cup of drip-brewed coffee contains about 85 mg -- about three and a half times more than the same serving of tea or cola or one ounce of chocolate.
"The evidence is very strong that regular coffee consumption reduces risk of Parkinson's disease and for that, it's directly related to caffeine," DePaulis tells WebMD. "In fact, Parkinson's drugs are now being developed that contain a derivative of caffeine based on this evidence."
Caffeine is also what helps in treating asthma and headaches. Though not widely publicized, a single dose of pain reliever such as Anacin or Excedrin contains up to 120 milligrams -- what's in a hefty mug o' Joe.
It’s also caffeine -- and not coffee, per se -- that makes java a powerful aid in enhancing athletic endurance and performance, says physiologist and longtime coffee researcher Terry Graham, PhD, of the University of Guelph in Canada. So powerful, in fact, that until recently, caffeine in coffee or other forms was deemed a “controlled” substance by the Olympic Games Committee, meaning that it could be consumed only in small, designated amounts by competing athletes.
“What caffeine likely does is stimulate the brain and nervous system to do things differently,” he tells WebMD. “That may include signaling you to ignore fatigue or recruit extra units of muscle for intense athletic performance. Caffeine may even have a direct effect on muscles themselves, causing them to produce a stronger contraction. But what’s amazing about it is that unlike some performance-enhancing manipulation some athletes do that are specific for strength or sprinting or endurance, studies show that caffeine positively enhances all of these things.”
In other words, consume enough caffeine -- whether it’s from coffee or another source -- and you will likely run faster, last longer and be stronger. What’s enough? As little as one cup can offer some benefit, but the real impact comes from at least two mugs, says Graham. By comparison, it’d take at least eight glasses of cola to get the same effect, which isn’t exactly conducive for running a marathon.
But the harder you exercise, the more benefit you may get from coffee. “Unfortunately, where you see the enhancing effects from caffeine is in hard-working athletes, who are able to work longer and somewhat harder,” says Graham, who has studied the effects of caffeine and coffee for nearly two decades. “If you a recreational athlete who is working out to reduce weight or just feel better, you’re not pushing yourself hard enough to get an athletic benefit from coffee or other caffeinated products.”
But you can get other others benefits from coffee that have nothing to do with caffeine. "Coffee is loaded with antioxidants, including a group of compounds called quinines that when administered to lab rats, increases their insulin sensitivity" he tells WebMD. This increased sensitivity improves the body's response to insulin.
That may explain why in that new Harvard study, those drinking decaf coffee but not tea beverages also showed a reduced diabetes risk, albeit it was half as much as those drinking caffeinated coffee.
"We don't know exactly why coffee is beneficial for diabetes," lead researcher Frank Hu, MD, tells WebMD. "It is possible that both caffeine and other compounds play important roles. Coffee has large amounts of antioxidants such as chlorogenic acid and tocopherols, and minerals such as magnesium. All these components have been shown to improve insulin sensitivity and glucose metabolism."
Meanwhile, Italian researchers credit another compound called trigonelline, which gives coffee its aroma and bitter taste, for having both antibacterial and anti-adhesive properties to help prevent dental cavities from forming. There are other theories for other conditions.
Children and Coffee
How does this brew affect growing minds and bodies? Very nicely, it seems, says DePaulis. Coffee, as you probably know, makes you more alert, which can boost concentration. But claims that it improves a child's academic performance can be exaggerated. Coffee-drinking kids may do better on school tests because they're more awake, but most task-to-task lab studies suggest that coffee doesn't really improve mental performance, says DePaulis.
But it helps kids' minds in another way. "There recently was a study from Brazil finding that children who drink coffee with milk each day are less likely to have depression than other children," he tells WebMD. "In fact, no studies show that coffee in reasonable amounts is in any way harmful to children."
On the flip side, it's clear that coffee isn't for everyone. Its legendary jolt in excess doses -- that is, more than whatever your individual body can tolerate -- can increase nervousness, hand trembling, and cause rapid heartbeat. Coffee may also raise cholesterol levels in some people and may contribute to artery clogging. But most recent large studies show no significant adverse affects on most healthy people, although pregnant women, heart patients, and those at risk for osteoporosis may still be advised to limit or avoid coffee.
The bottom line: "People who already drink a lot of coffee don't have to feel 'guilty' as long as coffee does not affect their daily life," says Hu. "They may actually benefit from coffee habits in the long-run."
Published Jan. 26, 2004.
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SOURCES: Tomas DePaulis, PhD, research scientist, Vanderbilt University's Institute for Coffee Studies; research assistant professor of psychiatry, Vanderbilt University Medical Center, Nashville. Terry Graham, PhD, University of Guelph, Canada. Frank Hu, MD, PhD, associate professor of nutrition and epidemiology, Harvard School of Public Health, Boston. Hu, F. Annals of Internal Medicine, January 2004; vol 140; pp 1-8. Benedetti MD, Neurology, July 12, 2000; vol 55; pp 1350-1358. Ross, G. The Journal of the American Medical Association, May 24, 2000; vol 283; pp 2674-2679. Gazzani, G. Journal of Agricultural and Food Chemistry, Feb. 27, 2000. Leitzmann, M. The Journal of the American Medical Association, June 9, 1999, vol 281; pp 2106-2122. Giovannucci, E. American Journal of Epidemiology, June 1, 1998; vol 147; pp 1043-1052. Pagano, R. Chest, August 1988; vol 94; pp 387-389.
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© 1996-2003 WebMD Inc. All rights reserved.
Original page: http://my.webmd.com/content/Article/80/96454.htm
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
Boxing: Sparring Tips
1. Keep your hands up & your elbows down. Just having your guards in the right position can spare you from a considerable amount of punishment. Use your hands to protect your face, & your elbows to protect your body. Flare your elbows up and your body will get banged out. Drop your hands and your dome will get lumped up.
2. Jab to get in & jab to get out. When you're trying to get on the inside of your opponent, jab while moving forward to tie up their attention. As you move back out, duck and roll and throw a jab to the head to once again tie up their attention, and to stop them from following you out. Never stand up straight when moving from inside - out. You will almost always get caught with a punch.
3. Stay on the balls of your feet. You will move faster and decrease your reaction time. Flat-footed fighters have a tendency to get rocked up on their heels when moving backwards, which causes instability.
4. The best defense is a good offense. Don't be overly concerned about getting hit. Focus on your opponent's motion only in regards to deciding how you will attack and exploit the circumstances. The object of a boxing match is to score points, so aggressively seek opportunities to do just that. Defend as a means of countering.
5. Be first, be fast, be last. Once you make a decision to attack, it will never do to go about it in a round-about-way. The way of a fighter should be one of immediacy, and it is best to dash in and out with conviction.
6. The retreat of a punch should be just as quick as the initiation, thereby minimizing the amount of time you are left open to a possible counter attack. Offense is initiated at the cost of defense. That's why one hand should always be up to guard, while the other hand is attacking.
7. Foot work, foot work, foot work! I can't stress how important it is to work on balanced and speedy multi-directional foot & hip movement. In my opinion, this is the single most important technical difference maker in deciding the outcome of a bout.
8. If you doubt that you can, you probably won't. Your vision for success must be clear. Boxing is not a sport that allows for self-pity, indecision, abundant fear and reluctant approaches. If you are easily frustrated and intimidated, box as a form of exercise; but not competitively.
9. Relax, and get into a rhythm. If all things are equal, often the fighter who wins a bout is the one who can settle into a comfortable flow, and initiate their game plan first.
10. Time & distance are the two most important variables for making decisions in the ring. Mastering the manipulation of these two factors relies heavily on sparring frequently. The best way to become a good fighter is to fight.
Monday, January 22, 2007
NFL History
Thursday, January 18, 2007
MLS Wants Beckham To Give North American Soccer An Image
But we are a nation that loves sports, so many of us have taken notice of the "no name" MLS's attempt to court our attention to soccer by getting England's well recognized David Beckham to side with the LA Galaxy in California. Luckily, the press release for this information didn't occur during a simultaneous airing of the NFL play-offs or the premiere episode of American Idol; it surely would have fallen on deaf ears. Still many of us only noticed the announcement, because it was coupled with the fact that Beckham would be receiving $250,000,000 over 5 years for his services. Suddenly we are all interested, and googling David Beckham to find out why he is getting paid so much money to play a sport in a country that reluctantly recognizes its existence. On the day of the announcement 5,000 tickets were sold to the Galaxy's home opener game for a chance to see Beckham bend it. Now the media is taking great pride in reporting Beckham sightings. But what I want to know is how the hefty salary of Beckham is going to affect the morale of his team-mates, as well as other players around the MLS. These guys have been busting their butts trying to establish professional soccer in the US at a mere average salary ranging from $25,000 to $500,000 long before Beckham's coming. Beckham may be good, but he is but one player in a sport that requires many cogs. After a season in the US, Beckham may find that the thing he has bent the most is his fellow player's attitudes towards him, especially if his performance on the field doesn't add up to his price tag. The only thing the media likes more than a rise to popularity, is a fall from popularity. If that happens Beckham will be in the opening dialogue of every American comedian talk show host. But if he succeeds he'll get to be on Opra.
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
Exercise Spotlight: Bench Press
The bench press is a resistance training exercise that is primarily used for development of the pectoral muscles, but because it is a a double jointed movement (meaning the axis of movement occurs at both the shoulder and elbow joints), it also helps develop the anterior deltoids, serratus anterior, coracobrachialis, as well as the triceps.
Form:
The lifter lies on his/her back on a bench while pushing up and lowering down a weighted bar directly above the chest. Be sure to pinch the shoulder blades together, otherwise the anterior deltoids (frontal shoulders) will take a dominant role in the movement. The feet should be kept flat on the floor and about a shoulder width apart. Use your feet placement to maintain a good arch in the lower back, while drawing in your belly button toward your spinal column and squeezing your buttocks (don't lift the buttocks off the bench) to maintain good core stability throughout the movement. The hand grip should be equally spaced apart, so that the forearms are vertical 90 degrees to the ground. The wrists should be directly aligned with the elbows. Begin the exercise by inhaling deeply while lifting the barbell off the rack. Then lower the bar to the chest area, so that the line of the bar runs along the nipple line. After a pause, raise the resistance vertically while slowly exhaling until you reach the starting point. Use a spotter to help correct form, and to catch the bar if it is dropped, or exhaustion makes it impossible to complete the movement. The rhythm of the movement should be about 2 - 4 counts on the negative (lowering of the bar) and 1 - 2 counts on the positive (raising of the bar).
Did You Know?
The men's world record bench press is held by Gene Rychlak 1010 lb (456 kg), December 2006.
The women's world record bench press is held by Becca Swanson 551 lb (250 kg), August 2006
Monday, January 15, 2007
Healthy Starter Cereals
Post Original Shredded Wheat Spoon Size - Cal. 165/Protein(g) 6/Carbs(g) 37.5/Fat(g) 0.8/Fiber(g) 4.5/Sugar(g) 0/Sodium(mg) 0
Best Quality - only ingredient: whole wheat
Total Whole Grain - Cal. 150/Protein(g) 3/Carbs(g) 34.5/Fat(g) 0.75/Fiber(g) 4.5/Sugar(g) 7.5/Sodium(mg) 285
Best Quality - plenty of vitamins and minerals
Nature's Path Flax Plus - Cal. 150/Protein(g) 6/Carb(g) 33/Fat(g) 2.25/Fiber(g) 10.5/Sugar(g) 8/Sodium(mg) 285
Best Quality - has heart healthy omega-3 fatty acids
Kashi Golean - Cal. 140/Protein(g) 13/Carbs(g) 30/Fat(g) 1/Fiber(g) 10/Sugar(g) 6/Sodium(mg) 85
Best Quality - highest in protein; plenty of fiber
Cheerios - Cal. 110/Protein(g) 3/Carbs(g) 22/Fat(g) 2/Fiber(g) 3/Sugar(g) 1/Sodium(mg) 210
Best Quality - healthy classic
The only down-side to any of these cereals is that none of them comes with a prize in the box.
Sunday, January 14, 2007
Health Update: Grapefruit Helps You Lose Weight
Well, what do you know? The grapefruit diet actually works according to the latest study conducted by scientists at the Nutrition and Medical Research Centre at Scripps Clinic in San Diego, California. Long thought to be a dietary myth that first surfaced in the 80's that eating grape fruit helped you lose weight. Scientist now have credible data that suggests that it's true.
A study lead by Dr Fujioka divided 100 obese people into three groups. The first group was given half a grapefruit prior to each meal three times a day. The second group received grapefruit juice prior to their meals. The third group received no grapefruit or grapefruit juice. No other dietary changes were made, however each participant slightly increased their exercise routine.
Results:
After 12 weeks the first group that received grapefruit before each meal lost on average 3.6 pounds. The group that drank grapefurit juice lost on average 3.3 pounds. While the control group lost on average just 0.5 pounds. At first glance the numbers recorded by the first two groups don't seem that impressive, but you have to remember that no other dietary changes were made. So imagine what the numbers might have been with an agressive exercise regiment and a well balanced diet. All in all the study is very incouraging for those fighting the battle of the bulge.
For more info click on Grapefruit
Fight Night
From left to right: Floyd Mayweather Sr., Floyd Mayweather jr., Oscar De La Hoya
It has been a while since boxing fans had something to get hyped about, but a long anticipated match between Oscar De La Hoya vs. Floyd Mayweather jr. on May 5, 2007 is worth getting excited for. Both fighters are two of the finest in their generation, and this match-up has the the potential to be among the best recorded bouts in boxing history. It's the type of fight that can seal a fighter's legacy in the sport of boxing, and assure that when the greats are talked about his name is mentioned.
On the line is a shot at boxing history along with De La Hoya's WBC Light Middleweight title. Both men will enter the ring with impressive records; the undefeated pound-for-pound Welterweight champion Mayweather jr.'s is (37 - 0, 24 KO's), while De LA Hoya's record stands at (38 - 4, 30 KO's). Adding to the anticipation is the fact that De La Hoya is trained by Mayweather jr.'s estranged father, Floyd Mayweather Sr. It will be interesting to see if this has any effect on either fighter.
This fight will be Floyd's first exposure to the middleweight ranks, while Oscar is a seasoned vetran at this weight class with a number of memorable bouts under his belt. It's hard to say who has the edge in this one. I'd speculate that size and strength goes to Oscar, while speed and elusiveness goes to Floyd; but neither one by much. In the end I think it will come down to a battle of attrition. However the storm settles (win, loss, or drawl) the fireworks to the finish should be explosive.
Thursday, January 11, 2007
Rocky
I didn't think he could do it, but Stallone manages to pull off a convincing performance. Of all the Rocky movies, this one best exemplifies true ring strategy within the fight sequences. Even the training methodology was realistic for the circumstances facing the Italian Stallion in this one. Nor does the movie try to repeat the over-dramatized slow motion action frames of its predecessors. Instead the fight scenes flow at a believable pace with an acceptable level of action. But tradition is preserved by incorporating enough of the Rocky tradmarks that still make you want to get up out of your seat and start shadow boxing in the aisles while you hum the Rocky theme song. Also, boxing enthusiasts will appreciate the cameo appearences of real-life sports figures. If you are a true fan of the Rocky series, you should enjoy Sly's lastest edition.
For more info click here "Yo Adrian, I did it!"
Wednesday, January 10, 2007
He doesn't mean it
Cookie Monster - My Hero & Mentor
It seems that the television producers of my beloved Sesame Street along with health experts, and politicians have banned together to launch a "Healthy Habits For Life" campaign, and pulled the poor Cookie Monster into their scandalous plot. Apparently there is an issue over the rising rate of childhood obesity, and the anti-junk-food establishment doesn't think the Cookie Monster is setting a good example for the kiddies. What are they talking about? I built this finely tuned machine (I call my body) on an abundant steady supply of junk food (Mc Donalds' fries, hamburgers, and shakes, Hotess cupcakes, and pies, Charm Pops, ice cream, and cookies.)
Don't these wackos know that this sudden change in the nation's dietary plan could single handedly ruin the very fiber of our society, not to mention put me out of work. I mean really, the very nature of my job relies on grooming children for obesity, so that they can grow-up to be good health club patrons as adults. How am I suppose to feed myself and pay my bills, if everyone goes around taking good care of themselves? What will happen to the health care industry? Don't they realize how serious the consequences could be?
Let me pause here for a second to stuff another gummy bear in my mouth. Ummmmmm, that's better, I was starting to lose my sugar high. Now, where was I? I blame this scandal on the "strictly vegan freaks" who won't so much as eat an egg, because it comes out of a chicken's butt. Vegans have decided to make eating a state of unhappy affairs, and they are now trying to bring us along for the ride. Hell no, I won't go. If anyone of you healthy for life habits advocates comes near my cookie jar, I will fill you full of jelly beans up to your eyeballs, and dump you into Willie Wonker's chocolate river." Now back away, before somebody gets hurt.
First thing Monday morning I plan to file for an injunction to block the airing of any and all campaigns that suggests that cookies are anything but good for you. In a show of union, all readers of this post should organize a rally outside the offices of your local public broadcast station. Who's in?
The Empire Strikes Back : Part II
I actually wrote the above post two years ago in protest of public health officials forcibly changing the endearing qualities of one of my favorite childhood characters the Cookie Monster. The fact that the Cookie Monster under duress was made to switch his catch line from "me love cookies...yum, yum, yum, yum" to "a cookie is a sometimes food" was a bitter compromise for me to swallow. But now the devoid of iconic culture, politically correct, stringent health nuts have gone too far with their latest attempt to further defile my childhood memories. They want the Cookie Monster to change his name to the "Veggie Monster." In response, I would like to take a Christmas tree (ooh, I'm sorry; I meant to say Spirit tree) and flog each and every conspirator of this latest attack, until their bodies are ladened with pine needles. What's next, is "Oscar The Grouch" going to suddenly become a gleeful neurotic neat freak concerned about hygiene with a strong eye for fashion, because kids fuss a lot, hate to clean their rooms, play with mud pies, and can't tastefully coordinate their outfits?
Leave the Cookie Monster alone, and give the carrot sticks to Mr. Snuffleupagus. He looks like he could stand to lose a few pounds.
Saturday, January 06, 2007
A Prayer For The Stressed!
Silence over the internet please, while we all bow our heads and repeat after me:
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I cannot accept,
and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those people I have
to kill today because they pissed me off.
And also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on today
as they may be connected to the ass that I may have to kiss tomorrow.
Help me to always give 100% at work...
12% on Monday
23% on Tuesday
40% on Wednesday
20% on Thursday
5% on Friday
And help me to remember...
When I'm having a really bad day,
and it seems that people are trying to piss me off,
that it takes 42 muscles to frown and
only 4 to extend my middle finger and tell them to bite me!
Amen
Thursday, January 04, 2007
Resolution: Are You Still Going?
Manage Your Vision
Remember, Rome wasn't built in a day. If you have not exercised regularly for sometime, it is unrealistic to think that you can shape-up in just one month. Start off slowly by setting short-term specific goals that move toward your vision. Making general statements like "I want to be more active" rarely leads to successful productivity; say, "I am going to use the steps instead of taking the elevator at work." Something that simple can jump-start your resolution, and begin an activity that will occur frequently enough to become a healthy habit.
Evaluate Before You Spring Foward
Take time to figure out where you have been, and how you want to proceed. Winter is traditionally a season for self-reflection and rejuvenation. Try engaging in activities that revitalize and promote self-awareness such as yoga, stretch, and pilates. Traditionally, these activites allow you to exercise at a comfortable moderate pace, while developing internal core strength and flexibility; key variables for participating in more strenous forms of exercise later on. By the spring season, you will be well on your way to reaching your goal.
Frequency Over Duration
In the beginning, time spent exercising is not nearly as important as just bothering to exercise. To make a permanent life style change, a desired behavior has to become a habit. You need to workout often enough that doing so becomes second nature. Then you can increase the duration of your activity as you progress and gain confidence.
Slips Are Ok
Don't get discouraged if something pops up at work, and you can't get to your favorite aerobic class. Slips are bound to happen; try having an alternative plan for days that you can't get to the gym. A swift stroll around the office parking lot can be just the thing to help you maintain and stay on track.
Look For Your Best Fit
There are lots of ways to exercise your body. Some activities will appeal to you more than others. Even when and where you workout can effect how well you sustain a consistent routine. So don't be afraid to experiment with the variables of your plan until you figure out what works best for you.
The bottom line is that you have to find a way to make exercising matter. Otherwise, the only thing your gym membership card does is to serve as a reminder of your failure to commit, and that the fitness club is geting free money by deducting monthly fees out of your checking account.
Finally, be determined like this woman who decided to take my suggestion of using the steps at work instead of the elevator. She fell, but she is going to try it again tomorrow. Poor soul hasn't quite mastered puting one foot in front of the other.